Back in the Stirrups Again

And I'm not talking about saddles and horses either.

I've not been feeling great so I went to the doctor yesterday to get a check-up. After talking with him for awhile he left the room. In a minute here came the nurse. She said the dreaded words, "Hop on the table, he wants to take a look."

WHAT? A LOOK? NOW? TODAY?

She said, "Lay back and scoot to the end and I'll put your feet in the stirrups."

NNNNOOOOOOO!

She strong-armed me onto the table to assume the position...and left.

I waited a couple of minutes.

I waited five minutes.

I went to sleep.

They forgot about me.

About 20 minutes later THEY WOKE ME UP to start the exam.

Groggy and trying to figure out why I was in this position, the doctors says, "Oh."

Not really what you want to hear from your doctor when he is addressing your privates.

Actually, I don't know what the appropriate words would be at this time. Maybe...silence.

I look at the nurse and she FROWNS and says, "OH."

Great. Just great.

Now the things racing through my mind....is the tootie not groomed well?, am I deformed?, has the "v" grown back together from non-use?, what's wrong?.

I couldn't stand it. I said, "Hey, what's wrong?"

The nurse laughed and said, "I guess we left you too long and cut your circulation off. You are BLUE."

It went well with my red face.

They finish their business and...I can't get up. I am stuck in "the position" and they don't realize it.

I start yelling (yes YELLING) "HELP!"

Nursie comes back and cracks up (pun intended) at my prediciment. She says, "We've not ever had this happen before. I think we just left you too long and your legs won't work."

Beachy Mimi: "Could you please help me get up? It's a little drafty here."
Nursie: Hysterical laughter. Bent over double with laughing.
Beachy Mimi: Not laughing so much.
Nursie: "Well at least you haven't lost your sense of humor!"
Beachy Mimi: Not so sure about that.

Diagnosis: partial paralysis, embarassimosis, and allergies.

And that will be all. Thankyouverymuch.

18 comments:

Heather said...

I think I read an article somewhere that the meds for those conditions are Sonic Coke (Lg), blog about it for all the world to see, and to keep on smiling.

(Looks like your golden!)

Seriously, I hope you are feeling better soon. :)

(Can the "V" really seal shut from not use??? :::gets worried:::)

Anonymous said...

Too funny!!!!

Janel@Dandelion Dayz said...

OH MY Goodness! I just laughed so hard. I mean, I don't mean to laugh at your situation. But the V closing up and the tootie not grown - well, really that's just funny now.

You deserve some kind of yummy chocolate or ice cream after that visit. Treat yourself!

Mine is coming up this next month. Now I will be thinking of you and this post! What a hoot you are.

Mari said...

I keep forgetting my Depends when I come visit your blog! Oh goodness. Too too funny. (And we are laughing with you, not at you!)

Tammy said...

*blush* Ummm, what do I say here.... hang on....

Okay, I have nothing.

I'll be back....

The (Almost) Amazing Mammarino said...

Oh my goodness, I feel your pain!!! I HATE having those kind of exams!

My sister once sent me card that said, "Another birthday? it could be worse . . . Right now a doctor could be asking you to slide down!"

Drama Mama said...

Okay you know Drama mama would have headed straight for the bar after that!

Drama Mama said...

Oh yeah- I have to go to the doc first thing in the am for some strange pain I have been having in my left leg- I surely hope I don't have to do that!

The Bayou Belles and Their Beau said...

Oh my! Glad you had some help getting up or you may have still been there, legs in stirrup and all.

I hate going to the ob/gyn, but I'd rather actually go there than the dentist. Crazy, I know.

tam said...

I am at a loss...speechless, stunned. That is the funniest thing you have ever written, and that is saying alot. The "V" comment is the best.

Heather said...

Oh my!! That's just not right!

Joan said...

Too Flippin Funny!
Hope they got to what was ailing you, if not, I'd get a new doctor. :-)

P.S. Next time and I hope there is never a next time, take a bell. You can ring it to remind them you are still there.

RR Mama said...

Funny Mimi. I on the other hand would have been mortified!

Capri K said...

Oh DEAR!
Every womans nightmare come true!

Dawn said...

Funny! You know, because it happened to you and not to me!

I think you've earned yourself whatever little luxary you're desiring this week!

Wendi said...

This was seriously the funniest thing I have read in a while.
You. are. a. hoot.
Go get thee to a Sonic!!!

Loving Our Homeschool said...

Oh my word! I'm sorry, but that was hilarious! THANKS for the laugh!! After our first day of school here, I needed that! Sorry you had to go through that though!
Heather

Fuschia said...

I don't know how I missed reading this yesterday!!

It just goes to prove your worthiness of the award I gave you today!

My FIRST ever trip to the gyn, the Dr. asked me what birth control method I wanted to use "after this pregnancy". I shouted, "After WHAT pregnancy?!" (I was a teenager.) He says, "Aren't you Mrs. So-in-so?" He had just examined me three minutes before! Obviously EYE-CONTACT wasn't his strong suit.