It's Dangerous To Be Bored

Beachy Mimi is rarely bored. I have always felt I was reasonably intelligent enough to entertain myself at any give time.

Well, last week, notsomuch.

I was at a loss. I've NEVER been bored.

A bored Beachy Mimi is a Beachy Mimi out-of-control.

At my regular waxing appointment ( I love waxing) I was reading the tootie waxing page again with utter facinatiion.

The conversation went like this:

BM: So, tell me about this tootie waxing.
Torturer: I wouldn't get waxed, I would get LASERED.
BM: Huh? Tootie Lasered?
Torturer: Yes. It's great. I've done it 11 times. (Note to self: Remember to question why 11 times)
BM: Does it HURT?
Torturer: The lasers are much better than they used to be. (notice to self--torturer dodging question)
BM: Could I try a little spot?
Torturer: Sure. Let's do a patch of Upper Tootie.
BM: I'm game. Let's do it.
Torturer: Put these glasses on and lay back.
BM: Uh...is that stench my BURNING FLESH YOU LYING HARLOT!!
BM: O U C H!!
BM: You didn't tell me it would be mor.phine.ic pain!!
Torturer: That is a tender area.
BM: Ya THINK???

Beachy Mimi left waxing salon will well groomed eyebrows and fried ovaries. It works but I cannot imagine getting central or south central tootie done.

Well, you think that would have cured my boredom and desire for excitement. It didn't.

My next option was getting a tat, body piercing, calling up an old boyfriend or making a random purchase.

The tat: figured it would change areas on my aging body and a tat on the lower back might end up between my shoulders

The body piercing: same thing

Calling up old boyfriend: don't have one to call

Random purchase: it seemed like the lesser of four evils

So, as a Happy Birthday to Me, I bought a car. Actually, I just traded one car for another car but it is new to me.
Now you would think Beachy Mimi, in her bored state, would choose a wild red or sexy blue color. Nope. Nada. White.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME??? WHITE?

I should have just gotten a gray car, let my hair go gray and quit waxing my chin hairs.

Don't judge. I got nervous. This was only my second time to do this by myself.

Now I'll be driving around in my boring white car doing boring things like combing my hair and not spiking it.

NOT!!

Maybe I'll get some pink extensions.

Another giveaway tomorrow!!

Love Ya, Peeps!!

21 comments:

chickadee said...

white is my favorite vehicle color choice!
leave your poor tootie alone!

Queen B said...

MOTHER.

Drama Mama said...

Well it could have been worse than frying your tootie-
You could have gotten drunk and started drinkin and dialin old boyfriends to profess your never dying love for them!
Glad you just bought the car!

3girlsmom said...

And this post, in particular, is why I adore you.

Dawn said...

I sit howling with laughter, tears running down my face (once again because it happened to YOU, not ME)... and I can't even begin to explain it to my dear hubby who by now, I'm sure, thinks I'm having some sort of computer-induced breakdown. He wouldn't understand if I did try to explain it.

By the way, white cars are cool!

Mari said...

Can't. Type. Laughing. 2. Hard.

Joan said...

Speechless.

Heather said...

"...central or south central done..." I am ROLLING over here in laughter. The first thing that popped in my head [besides the obvious] was the conquistadors and their conquer of central and south america, which is a paper I am avoiding finishing so that I can blog. Anyway, I think I will add they were able to take over because the natives were too sensitve.

a Tonggu Momma said...

Moving along to the one thing I CAN comment on... a car... a CAR is a random purchase?!?!?!? "Oh, I think I'll just pop on over to the store this afternoon and buy a CAR."

Oh, and who cares if it's white? I heard that white is the new red. (Not really.)

You. Are. A. Riot.

tam said...

I just had to go change my pants...thank you very much! Oh my! T-shirts should be made with "Leave your poor tootie alone." That was the best.

THE ROOST said...

Heard it was unbearable now I am certain that won't be on my list of things to do before I die :0)

kristen@nosmallthing said...

Tootie is the funniest word. Especially when paired with central/south central. Hilarious!

Lydia said...

You are hilarious! Thanks for sharing the laugh!!

cndymkr / jean said...

Tootie. My new favorite word. I can't imagine my mother ever being as daring as you!

Wendi said...

You. are. hysterical.
Tootie.
I am going to find ways to work that word into sentences all week long.
Oh my...sounds like I am bored.

Amy said...

Mimi, Mimi, Mimi...

Tammy said...

Have you ever seen a cheerio come out of someone's nose?!

You are a bit more adventurous than I am. Call me crazy but laser and tootie should never be used in the same sentence.

And I will NEVER look at Tootie on the Facts of Life the same again.

Fuschia said...

You and your tootie!

Next time you're bored I could give you a new look...how do you feel about the Gators? (See tomorrow's post for evidence of my hair coloring skills.)

And, may I say Heather's comment was too funny!

Alicia said...

Oh, good word Mimi!! I leave you alone for a few days and look at all you have done!

I'm killing myself laughing. Reading your post is exactly what I needed after the hellish several days I have had.

fAiThFuL cHiCk said...

Funny. Funny. FUNNY.

Ed's Blog said...

You made my day, that was hilarious. I would rather stick with the 'ole razor' in the privacy of my own shower. I have a poor tolerance to pain.
Check out WHAT YOUR LIPSTICK SHAPE SAYS ABOUT YOUR PERSONALITY,I just posted this on by blog.