Losing Focus

Peeps, it was so good to get home and sleep in the Beachy Mimi bed. It's pink, fluffy and soft. As sleeps sooo good.

Last week The Queen B did a post on why people blog. I was very impressed with your comments. The homeschooling moms' blogs, the ministry blogs, the funny blogs, imformative blogs, the rambling and the obscure blogs all have a place in the blogosphere.

I think it helps us form a "relationship" that can be missing from a busy woman/man's daily life due to time restraints, children, loneliness or work. Sort of a therapy.

So you are my therapy group.

Thanks, Peeps. It was so sweet of you to volunteer!

This is going to be a really tough week at Beachy House. For the first time since evil divorce entered my life, I am having to return to the Pacific House and get the rest of my things. I left them there because we were hoping the house would sell. It didn't. Pacific bought it because.......he is getting married in a couple of weeks.

Wow.

I don't normally do this, but I want to say a couple of things about divorce.

DON'T DO IT!!

If you are thinking about it. Think again. Then think again. Get counseling. Pray.

Now I realize that no matter what, divorce happens to people. I'm not talking about the people who need to leave a relationship that is dangerous, abusive, cheating or whatever. I'm talking to those of us who have been happily married......but we lost our focus.

I was married for 35 years and NEVER thought it would end in this way. It only takes a moment to take your eyes off Christ and quickly lose the focus. You start looking at yourself.
We've all done it at weak moments. It just takes a tiny crack........and then the crack festers and one day, possibly erupts.

I am great friends with Pacific, and I hope I always will be. As "amicable" as our situation was, it still hurt so many people. You can't avoid it. Children at any age hurt. Families hurt.
The pain is devastating...gut wrenching.

I don't see how people recover if they do not have Jesus in their lives. He has pulled me through, picked me up and put His arms around me. He's told me through His word (paraphrasing) "Beachy Mimi, just hang on tight to ME and you will be just fine, and so will Pacific."

And, it is true.

Pacific found his love early. My time will come in God's time. Jer 29:11 tells me that whatever He has planned for me is far better than anything I could ever come up with.

When I try to take control, well, that's when I start to lose focus. One of my daily prayers is,
"God, please protect me from what I want".

I should probably tatoo it somewhere, along with "Just because you can, doesn't mean you should", which is a post for another day.

Mrs. Pacific is a wonderful woman and the Pacific home will be happy, again.

But before she can move in, I've gotta get my stuff. Which is going to be hard.....lots of memories collected in 35 years, mostly fun and wonderful memories. After all, stuff is just.....stuff.

So, GO NOW and kiss and hug your partner and forget all the ways they irritate the heck out of you and make you want to pull your hair out and scream. Just LET IT GO. Festering is dangerous.......then you lose focus........and, well, there you are. You are left wondering, "How did THAT happen?" Having the last word IS NOT IMPORTANT.


I will try not to post any more sermonettes but since I am older than most of you, and if I can save you ANY pain in your marriage, it is worth this little space.

20 comments:

Soliloquy said...

Speechless.

Which most of us rarely are, right?

Wow. QM, I hurt FOR you. And for the Queen B. But your heart is a blessing to me. And THANK YOU for your courage to be so transparent and authentic. I value that so much.

I will be praying for you. Praying that you have abundant grace under pressure - and peace that you have no explanation for but for Christ alone.

Yes, yes. All things are permissible, but not beneficial.... 1 Corinthians 10:23. Say more....

And I claim the SAME prayer in a different way.... "Protect me Lord, from the things I THINK I want..." because I'm so often wrong.

Praying! Thanks for keeping it real.

Jenn said...

Thanks for your honesty! My parents are divorced and although he was more to blame (since he was engaged the day the divorce was finalized) my mom has always said that it takes 2 to make or break a marriage. May God help your through this difficult time.

Queen B said...

Glad you made it back safely.

I won't say much on here, because that is just weird, but I do want you to know that I am praying for you.

I know that this is a tough week. Probably a tough month. But I also know that God will work everything out for your good. He has promised that.

I join Soliloquy in praying that you will have a peace that has no explanation but for Christ alone.

Peggy said...

"It only takes a moment to take your eyes off Christ and quickly lose the focus. You start looking at yourself."

Thanks for your post. My problem is not divorce, but this reminder hit me right between the eyes today.

Loving Our Homeschool said...

Thank you for your honesty and words of wisdom. You will be in my prayers this week...that you will be oh-so-aware of the presence of our sweet Savior as you face this difficult time.

Heather

Tammy said...

I am a victim of divorce. My folks got divorced when I was 7 years old. I am now 40, and I remember the pain. It doesn't go away really, it gets displaced. My mom has been married to my step-dad for 30 years now. The Lord has blessed me with not one, but two dads.

Praise the Lord that we all get along now. Memorial Day weekend we ALL got together to celebrate the first grandchild's high school graduation.

On June 22, I will celebrate 12 years of marriage. Over the last 12 years we have had two beautiful children and my husband has become a devoted Christian. God is good and his mercy and grace are GREAT.

I will pray for you as you experience this difficult time. God has plans for you, Beachy Mimi. Your wisdom and sharing have been a blessing to me and I'm sure others.

Proverbs 3:5-6

tam said...

Wow....Thank you Mimi. We all need that reminder every once in awhile. I really needed that and I am sure most of your readers will agree. Thank you also for starting your blog, I am of the older generation and it is really nice to read of those that have been there and done it. Tam

Shauna said...

That was good. Real good. And I will go hug that husband of mine.

Thanks for that. Really.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Mimi, for your honesty and transparency. What strength you possess, and maturity. I'm 38 and my parents divorced about 12 years ago and it still is painful. But God is faithful... amazingly faithful. Praying for you, too.

Beth

Amy said...

Mimi, the D-House will have you in our prayers this week. God's ultimate will continues to be played out in your life; continue to be faithful to Him and he will sustain you! We love you!

Christi said...

Wow. Can I just tell you how awesome I think it is that you can be such a "grown-up" (it's so hard sometimes!) and look at your situation with this attitude. I am a child of divorced parents after 34 years of marriage and it is a terrible thing, no matter what your age. Reading your words encourages me that someone "gets it". I have been married for 14 years and it has certainly not always been the most pleasant place to be. I know now what divorce can do to a family, and I will always try to remember these exact words you have said here. So much of the time we lose focus of the big picture and what is really important. We so easily forget that there are more people involved than just ourselves. Pride is most often our own worst enemy. Thank you for your transparency and your honesty. I will be thinking of you in the coming week.

Fuschia said...

"If you are thinking about it. Think again. Then think again. Get counseling. Pray."

What great advice! So often, in counseling couples, we encounter people who have been thinking more about divorcing than they have been thinking about a solution!There seems to be a law of human nature that where the mind goes, the heart follows.

Sounds like losing focus, doesn't it?

Kelly @ Love Well said...

My heart hurts for you, Mimi. But I think God is already using your transparency.

I pray that He will bless you with a miraculous joy and hope this week, and that your sweet heart will seek solace in The One Who Knows.

By the way, don't worry about preaching. There are so many of us who need to hear it. Preach on, sister.

gordostyle said...

Wow. I kinda needed that today. Ok.. REALLY needed that today. Marriage is hard. At times, mine feels the hardest of anyone I know. I need to rely on the big man above more often. Thanks for the reminder!

As for you... hope your life moves in a great new adventure!

Smiles,
Jennifer

Erin K. said...

Thanks for the reminder. I could never imagine divorce happening to hubby and me but we've seen two couples in our church split this year, and it's been a good kick in the butt reminder to keep our focus sharp.

In the midst of all the emotions you must be going through, thank you for taking a moment to encourage the rest of us. I pray that God's grace, peace and joy will go with you throughout this week!

cndymkr / jean said...

I have to say this post was very timely for me. Thank you.

We are THAT Family said...

I think your transparency will encourage many. I'm sorry for the pain you are facing. I think your attitude is courageous!

My parents just celebrated their 40th and I'd love for them to read this. There are days I worry, even for them.

Marriage is work! My hubby and I were reminded of that a couple of years ago when we saw a crack.

God helped us to repair it, so now we guard it more closely.

I pray the process of 'putting away the old' is a healing one for you.

Blessings.

Janel said...

QM, I am so sorry for this loss in your life and like the others will be praying for your peace as you continue in this transition.

I must tell you what a blessing this was to me tonight, though. Your timing with this post is, well,God's timing for sure.

My daily prayer lately? And MOST especially with my husband is for God to just help me let go. Let go of the silly little things that bug me. The things that are not really that big of a deal. Mostly help me let go of needing to control every aspect of our house and let him be who God desires him to be, not who I think he should be.

I needed this post and thank you for sharing your heart.

Blessings to you.

THE ROOST said...

I know that was hard to write but it was very well done. I will be praying for you these next few days! Thanks for that post!

Lisa @ Take90West said...

A huge hug for you Mimi, that was an amazing post. Profound. I will pray that you get through these difficult weeks and I know there are great things ahead for you.